When He Belonged to Me
by shikonchick
Summary: He used to belong to me. But now he belongs to her and she doesn't even know it.


**I did not create Inuyasha or any character related to Inuyasha however the story below and its plot came straight from the contents of my mind.**

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**When He Belonged to Me**

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I am watching you. I am far but not so far that if you wanted to, you would find me. Yet you do not come, and for a while now you have chosen not to. What little human is left of me feels jealous and alone, so utterly alone. You have chosen what I cannot give, what I was so horribly torn away from and cursed to relive every night of my miserable immortal life.

_Inuyasha_

Ever since I was reawakened and I saw her, saw what she was, a mirror image of what I could have been where it not for the curse of evil placed upon me. She looked at you with such tenderness, and it sickened me because I knew dead or alive I would never look at you in such ways. I knew deep inside that no matter how hard I tried, this day would come, when I would have to resign myself to knowing that you were lost to me forever. And forever is too much time for a lost soul like mine.

_How full of life she was_

My dearest little fool, in the beginning it was only to my advantage that she be there with you, a constant reminder of what you had done to me. Every time you looked at her, you saw me, you compared us, and that was all right, for at first I was always the victor. Yet my time, which is plentiful when I no longer need it, was slowly ticking, soon you would be gone from me.

_You belonged to me_

When you first began to come to me, I was the center of your world. When you belonged to me, everything I said, while it meant nothing to me, was valued as gold and absolute truth in your ears. I forced you into promises and deeds that you can no longer keep, but at that time I was thrilled at your knightly ego, I could care less about what you said or did, but what I wanted was for her to leave. She was touching you in ways that even now I fail to comprehend. Ironic if you think of it, she lives in me, a small part of her, and yet I cannot understand her!

What could I do but try to be rid of her? You had begun to resist my attempts to take you into the very pit of hell. Every decision you made was based on how it would affect her. If she wasn't near, you sank into a bittersweet depression. She drove you to the floor like a dog and despite the humiliation, you still wanted her! And when she discovered about us, gave her reluctant acceptance she might always be the 

other woman and allowed you to come to me, even then you chose her over me. You should have just let her be taken away by that nonsense wolf.

_She makes you weak. _

You tried to hide it from me how you were changing your way of feeling. I tried to ignore it at first, I could change that. But I failed. Now when you came to me, you could not even look me in the eye. When I spoke to you, you had always listened, and although you still listen it is not me you hear. When I tried to touch you, you flinched at my touch. You cannot even stand the smell of me, you tried to be polite at first, but after a while you didn't even bother to hide it. I guess I don't smell like spring flowers. I guess you finally noticed how dead I am.

You have become weak with human feelings, yet you no longer wish to be human, not even for me. You begin to battle the thought of becoming a full fledge demon because she does not want it, because unlike me, she has always accepted and loved you as Inuyasha, the half demon, not Kikyou's human Inuyasha and most of all because you are scared of forgetting her. A lifetime ago, it would have been me you would've been scared of losing.

But see that's where I was wrong. When I came back to the world of the living, things were no longer the same. I wanted to assume that she did not exist, that I wasn't alive because of her or vice versa. In my foolishness, I wanted to believe that it was still the same lifetime when I was a young miko and you were just a lost hanyou, who was willing to change for me, but most of all willing to change so he would not be alone, not because you or I loved each other, but because we were just so desperately lonely.

Back _when you belonged to me._

Worst of all, I have no real reason to hate her. She did not kill me, she did not betray me. She is kind to you. She is kind to everyone even me, she does not hate me or have any sense of anger towards me. She does not know about your love for her and still believes you want me, and behind the sadness in her eyes she wants you to be happy. She wants you to be happy. But she changed you; she made you kind and generous. She made you gentle and friendly; she gave you friendship, warmth, acceptance, trust and love. On that day when she broke my arrow, she gave you the chance to live and you took it. Yet it should have been me, fifty years earlier who should have changed you, it should have been my chance to live.

Oh Inuyasha, back when you belonged to me, I felt alive. You pulled me out from a world where I was only the jewel's protector, rather than a young woman in the need to be free. But in any world it is vital to have trust, and you and me, we did not find it, even now we could not find it. I thought perhaps there was still a chance for a dead woman like me to be made alive but there is not. My only consolation is that it is my reincarnated soul that makes her live. There is a small part of me in her, and because you love her, there must be something of me in her that you must love but also, I find comfort in the thought that once you did belong to me.

_He used to belong to me._

_But now he belongs to her and she does not even know it._

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**This is the first fic. I have written in a year, and although it might be a little rusty around the edges, I tried putting much heart and emotion into it. also it is the first time I have ever even attempted writing in Kikyou's POV, I had always found her so cold to write about, but due to the circumstances I think I now understand her a little better, doesnt mean i like her just that i understand her more. I hope you like it. **


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